ausgebrannt | IC Inbox

[ The sun has set over the horizon, and that being said Essek has allowed the drapes to his room to be drawn so as to start letting in the evening light. He had insisted on a room that did not get the morning sun, afternoon sun usually was a bit more forgiving to him. And so he was stood in front of a mirror in his room getting ready, all the while his mind was floating through the texts that he had received from Caleb Widogast, and even more importantly 'what they could mean'.

He was a man who had very little in terms of emotional connection to anyone or anything. Normally his logic stepped in and handled things, it was how he had survived his stint with Adeen, it was how he got on in Court. Distancing his logic from his feelings so that they were two very separate entities, except now-- he felt as if his feelings were magnetized into something strange and new.

Was he aware that Caleb was in the room next to him? There was never a point in time where he wasn't. The only reason he had not pestered Caleb more often then not was because, it was pestering-- wasn't it? There was what lingered between them and a hesitance bourne of not wanting to mess things up between them and the friendship that they had gained.

And thus he stood from a distance like a cat who wanted to claim the person but did not quite have enough courage to do so quite yet, hoping that the wizard would get the hint and perhaps approach so he could do something shameful like rub himself against those legs, or beg for attention (that is theoretically if Essek was a 'cat' per se-- might be a bit awkward otherwise). He did not know what to do though, which was the thing. How did one let a wizard know that he was in to him?

'It's complicated'-- the words that came back to haunt him, and how he had played confused, but how he had anything but confused with what the words meant.

Carefully he worked a comb through his curls, arranging them and perhaps cursing a bit in Undercommon that he could not use prestidigitate to neaten them up, perhaps that is why they appeared far more unkept than normal-- it could have also been the humidity too. ]

[Caleb Widogast spent more time in front of the mirror than he had done in a very long time. But between the unfortunate weather -- there were no actual clothes cool enough for this heat -- and the company he would be keeping, he had actually put some thought into his sartorial choices for the night. His hair was gathered up into a ~~man~~bun high enough that it kept it off his neck, even if several pieces around his face refused to be tamed back. He'd left the coat, for once, instead sticking to a simple pair of trousers and a pale cream colored linen shirt, rolled to his elbows, and unbuttoned low enough that there was an unmistakable peek of copper chest hair.

Caleb had read over their conversation several times since they'd had it, spent more time than he would like to admit staring at the wall that separated their rooms.

He shook his head at his reflection and tried a brief smile, grimacing at his awkward reflection and turning away. Well. It wouldn't do to linger here and keep Essek Thelyss waiting. The short trek from his door to Essek's took less than a minute, and he straightened up, drew out of the habitual, nervous slouch and lifted a hand to knock, taking a step back and awkwardly trying to decide what to do with his hands -- coming to the final decision to clasp them in front of himself, as he waited.]

[ the knock sounded like a gong and that jostled himself out of his reverie, glancing over his shoulder and then used a split second to do one more arrange with the comb before finally he walked (with such trepidation) to the door and placed his hand on the knob. A turn and then he pulled it open to reveal the wizard-- Caleb. A smile that was hesitant, just the peek of fang pressed against the corner of his lip as he assessed the figure that Caleb made.

His eyes alit upon a collarbone and then downward to freckles, further still until--

Oh my.

His eyes attempted to backpedal at a record speed. Caleb's eyes were up there, he had to remember that, lest he once again take the scenic route. The expression was no better, that manbun caught haphazardly with a few locks frizting out of its confines. ]

You look very nice Caleb Widogast..

[ and nice would have to suffice because he was not sure if it was proper to call a friend 'delicous', people were not cupcakes-- no matter what Jester said to the otherwise. ]

Are you ready? I have everything that is required. [ and yes, Essek was wearing the outfit he'd shown on the network-- though they fit much nicer on himself than a dress dummy ]

Edited 2023-07-25 02:22 (UTC)

[That smile, hesitant or not, drew a smile in return from Caleb. He fought the urge to immediately reach out, and instead smoothed his hands down along his shirt in an almost self-conscious gesture at the compliment. He'd spent perhaps a bit too long wrapped in rags and trying to go unnoticed, and to be noticed by Essek was... it was good.

Essek wasn't the only one who had to compose himself and remind himself not to let his gaze wander too much. He had, in many ways, been given a warning of what would be awaiting him via the post the dunamancer had made on the network, and yet here he was defenseless against it.]

You look stunning.

[The words were out before he fully realized that he'd intended to speak them. They were true, though.]

I am ready, ja. [He offered his arm.] Shall we?

[ Stunning?

That was a very new development, but not unwelcome. He was used to being called 'hot boi' by the Nein, he'd grown used to the mantle of it and the expectation that was attached to it. Expectations that he managed in his own way, making sure that he was not caught unaware or at a disadvantage (only twice it had happened, once in Nicodranas, the other at Eiselcross when they had revealed the Assembly's plans and he'd physically felt the clock start to tick on his own life.

An incline of acknowledgement, knowing not else how to react to it as he placed his palm lightly on a forearm; the palm was cool to counter the heat within Caleb's own body and at the point where they met, it came nearly tolerable perhaps. Both their mutual powers of fire and ice neutralizing to create a comfort ]

Indeed we shall, I look forward to a drink shared with you.

[ Essek decided in this moment that he was going to act like he belonged here on Caleb Widogast's arm, despite the fact that he found himself intensely self-conscious. He, who had never felt such a way for a single moment of his life, was now finding what it felt like on the arm of a very handsome Transmutation Wizard. ]

Edited 2023-07-25 12:56 (UTC)

['Hot boi' was very accurate, of course, or at least the sentiment was. Caleb would not have chosen those exact words, but there was no helping what stuck. There were certain very convincing members of the Mighty Nein. One typically did not win arguments with Jester or Veth.

The cool touch of that hand was certainly welcome -- almost welcome enough that Caleb started to forget about Essek likely being able to feel as well as see his scars. Almost. He at least was able to stuff that anxiety back far enough that it was more background noise than anything else.]

As am I. There is a tavern I have found to have a decent enough atmosphere. It is not too far, so we should manage to avoid too much melting.

[ There was ridges against his fingertips, curious ridges however he attempted not to focus on it. He did not gape nor did he gawk over such things. Poised, he was poised as he remembered that no one enjoyed being stared at. Not even himself-- but the light of maybe-appreciation that came to Caleb's eyes for a brief second had registered a warmth within him. ]

You will likely not be surprised that I have never been to a tavern before.

[ a note of chagrin came to his voice. ]

Have I overdressed?

[The Zemnian wizard hummed a thoughtful sound.]

I am not shocked, no.

[A bit of a smile as he glanced over to him, eyes traveling up and down the length of him once more. That outfit is... well, Caleb will not easily forget it. But right he's looking because Essek asked a question. That's definitely why.]

Nein. Not at all. But even if you are, do not worry. You are with me, and I am scruffy enough for both of us.

You are not so scruffy as you were when we first met, Caleb Widogast.

[ Even though he did miss the Xhorhas garments on Caleb, the purple on him looked very good-- certainly he had enjoyed the wizard's metamorphosis though to be honest, Essek's eyes had been drawn long before that, to the very first moment ]

Though I could make you some clothing, some lighter weight things for this weather. [ And Essek would not even charge the wizard, of course he would not-- that was called preferential treatment and he had long since understood that he did play favorites. ] I would have to take your measurements, naturally.

That is very true.

[Caleb admits with a laugh. He was still deep in his hobo era when the Nein first arrived in Rosohna. It had been something of a turning point for him in a way, the first start of figuring out who he wanted to be.]

Oh? You would do that?

[Caleb perks right up. He's been making do, but it would be really nice to have some more seasonably appropriate options.]

Jester and Company would never let me live it down if I did not take care of you appropriately.

[ Was that a tease that came from Essek? He tilted his head to the side and glanced over at Caleb's profile, the strong zemnian nose, the freckled skin. A man very much unlike anyone he'd ever encountered in the Dynasty, but handsome for those differences. ]

And if you insist on doing something to pay me back, as I know you will-- perhaps we may investigate this place together, work as a team to infiltrate any mysteries that this Overseer throws our way. [ His palm very lightly patted against the forearm that he had taken ] There is after all no one else I would rather have on my side.

Yes well, that goes for you as well, mm? I would be severely scolded if I let you go uncared for. Of course, I would not forgive myself for it either.

[Caleb teased right back, sneaking a glance over at Essek in turn. Well, he would have insisted on paying him back, so this worked for him.]

I would like that, I... [He stills at those last words, feeling a heat rise in his cheeks. Oh.] Ja, it is the same for me.

[ The lights of the tavern started to rise up in the distance. Good thing too for Essek could feel warmth also flood the cheeks at the answer from Caleb. And how he tried not to feel self-conscious about it, the acceptance of working together as a team while they were here. He wondered if they would remember anything of this.. if they returned.

Essek knew he would like to remember these moments they were sharing. He wanted to remember that perfect afternoon with the setting sun as they exchanged pearls. The laughter and the splashing, and yes even this where they were a little more restrained but with a warm hesitancy-- he did not want to forget this either. ]

Then we shall endeavor to take care of each other so that we do not get scolded, I promise you Caleb that I will take care of you so well that no one shall find fault with it.

[ Well he just said that, didn't he; perhaps he was not aware exactly how it came out sounding. ]

[It was the right choice. Caleb knew that to begin with, but it was made even more certain by the warmth suffusing its way through him now. Even if they were not in this place, caught alone together in a strange and confusing world, well, it would be the right choice.

He hoped they remembered this too, if only for the way that Essek looked in that moment, this tentative playfulness and warmth between them.]

I am sure you will do a better job of it than I have done myself.

[As they approached the tavern, he quickened his step enough so that he could hold the door open for Essek to head inside.]

With the way that you acted in the Genesis Ward, you need someone to take care of you.

[ A faint raise of his brow in surprise at how Caleb quickened his pace to hold open the door. Though another smile, this one softer even as he brought his own hand to tuck some of his rather frizzed locks out of his eyes and started inside; if he wasn't with Caleb then likely he would have cursed his lack of magic. Right now, there was no where that he'd rather be and magic was inconsequential.

Once inside, he stepped quickly toward one of the tables in the corner, off to the side-- he certainly did not want to be at the forefront of everything. There were other people in the tavern gathered to socialize underneath the warm evening, he just did not want attention drawn to the two of them.

Without his magic, he felt ridiculously vulnerable now, he could not pull out a chair with mage hand or prestidigitate his hair back into place. Little things that he took for granted. ]

It is rather amazing how much we rely on magic, us wizards.

[Caleb's eyes widened at those words, feeling heat flush through his face once more.]

I can't imagine what you mean.

[He fully knew what Essek meant, of course. He'd been more than a little distracted at the time. Off task, and he was fortunate it hadn't been worse.

Following Essek to the back table, he was grateful that the other man had chosen a place out of the way, tucked into the back.]

It is, isn't it? It feels a bit like missing a limb, some intrinsic part of myself.

[He took a seat and admitted, quietly.] I feel a bit defenseless. It's daunting.

[ It was also placed in such a way that the two men could see who entered. It was not a defenseless position, for two men for the time being bereft of their magic and their spellbooks, it was the best that they could do. ]

It is very uncomfortable, I have not been this without magic since before the Marble Tomes Conservatory 80 years ago.

[ Once again he realized he was showing his age; he settled down in the chair, crossing one leg over the other. A barmaid was quick to come over and he quickly and quietly ordered a glass of wine, it was barely a blip in the conversation ]</small. When we are wizards, we rather make magic our 'thing' and we build ourselves around that, I suppose it puts things into perspective.

[Caleb murmured a quiet 'the same for me, please' when the barmaid appeared. His attention barely strayed from Essek though, enthralled by the drow as sure as if an enchantment had been cast on him, even if magic was beyond both of them now.

He didn't bother to hold back an amused quirk of his lips.]

And change is very hard for old men, ja, Großvater?

[More seriously, he ducked his head in a nod.] It does at that. But I have seen similar, when Fjord was abruptly cut off from his powers. In the end, I think he was a stronger man for having lived through it. And I think he lived through it by relying on his friends. Perhaps there is a lesson there for both of us.

[ Grandfather, that caused Essek to chuckle though he hid it behind the palm of his hand-- there was little doubt that he was amused, completely and thoroughly. It came in the way that the firelight caught in his eyes for the briefest of moments, illuminating all of the gold flecks there much like a cat's. ]

I am not used to relying on anyone, or I have not.. til you and the Nein.

[ He folds his hands together then, flexing perfectly manicured fingertips hesitantly ] Not even my brother whom I do care for, far more than I have ever for my family. [ Essek knew he was revealing quite a bit now to this man before him but he knew that he trusted him ]

Caleb Widogast, I am not consecuted. [ at least not that he was aware of, he had never underwent formal consecution ] I am a new soul and so I have had to use magic as a mantle of strength-- new souls are not respected, not as much as souls that have come down the line to return to the fold.

[ He thought back to Adeen ] Did you know that when I first met you and the Nein in the Bright Queen's audience chambers, I was engaged to be married?

[That chuckle, hidden or not, had been what Caleb had hoped for. He barely reasoned that he was smiling himself, the expression reaching sky blue eyes and crinkling them at the corners. It was a good look on the drow, to see him at ease enough to laugh. But the Zemnian wizard's expression softens as Essek continues speaking.

This was certainly a display of vulnerability that Caleb had not seen in the other man before. His eyes widened faintly. Even that small piece of knowledge, it explained so much about Essek, about a man who felt the need to wrap himself in power and hold himself apart as something unassailable, untouchable, to push the boundaries of what was possible.

Of choices made that had set so many things into motion.

Caleb reached out to settle his hands atop Essek's.]

I was not used to relying on anyone either, until I met them. They have that effect on people. And you are ours now, Essek Thelyss.

[Ours was safer -- and truer, Caleb conceded to himself -- than mine, so it would have to do for the moment. There was no hiding the surprise on his face at that last piece of information.]

I did not, no. Then you have a fiancé waiting for you back home?

[And why did that make his stomach twist unpleasantly?]

[ It was best to lay this on the table. The weight of Caleb's warm hands, calloused-- was comforting to Essek and he inhaled a bit; perhaps this was the last bit of secrets between them and one that he was going to lay in the palm of Caleb's hands, let him choose what to do with the information ]

My betrothal was arranged; it was to a consecuted soul. A drow whom was previously of Den Thelyss; it was their way to usher the Drow back into the fold, through a marriage. But drow alliances are always complicated.. and political. He was eager to get back to the Den and lost no time in reminding me that the Den was his rightful place and not mine.

[ The wine glasses came, were set down and he cast a single glass to it before he leveled his gaze to the other wizard ]

We are not betrothed anymore as the Den would never allow me to marry a traitor.

[ His voice halted over the next name ]

Adeen Tasithar.

[ He used the beacons to escape a betrothal; but also.. the words that Jester had spoken to Essek about Adeen being a nasty piece of work, and Essek agreeing with her-- that he was something. That made sense too ]

[Caleb was quiet, letting the other man speak. He did not want to interrupt, wanted to know all that Essek wished to tell him. It felt like he was begin given something precious here, in the telling of this piece of the other's life.

Another widening of his eyes as the story concluded with a name he recognized. The one that Essek had set up to take the fall for the missing beacons. A nasty piece of work, he did remember that discussion. Caleb's fingers hand tightened about Essek's hand, even if Caleb himself did not consciously realize he'd done it.]

I cannot pretend to understand Kryn culture. I barely manage Zemnian culture. But... for what it is worth, I believe you deserve far better than to be promised away for politics. New souls, old souls, again that is not something I know. But I do know that you are remarkable. I have never known a sharper, more brilliant mind.

[Or a more achingly flawed heart that wanted to see itself better than it had been. The part of Essek that reminded Caleb far too much of himself, his mistakes.]

[ Essek did not know what he expected however it had not been the squeeze to his hand that was offered so readily and wholly, this was a moment that would happen months later in the other timeline, fraught with burgeoning feelings from two men who were slowly understanding how to work together in a way that allowed for the each other in uncertain lives.

The fact that Caleb offered of himself so readily had the other man moved so irrecovobly; he could not draw his eyes from their hands forming a link and his mind was already tethered to the sound of those words in such a soothing accented voice. ]

I am ashamed now.. that I took advantage of the beacon to rid myself of an unwanted connection but I do not regret it-- if that makes sense, because it freed me of something distasteful, and perhaps it was the only route I could see at the time but.. in retrospect, I could never have been happy with him holding things over my head constantly. I did not love him, and I was 99 percent certain I could never learn that emotion where he was involved.

[ he did not love like he he loved the Nein, and Caleb specifically; oh, how this ginger wizard was precious to him and he lacked the words or the emotional wherewithal to convey it properly ]

There is much I do not know about the nature of love but I have been taught recently that I should expect better for myself where personal relationships are concerned.

[Caleb found he did not like the idea at all, of Essek being bound to such a man who viewed him as a means to an end, who viewed him as lesser simply for the fact of being a new soul. No, he could not begrudge Essek ridding himself of that sentence for crimes that were never crimes to begin with, the crime of simply being born anew and unencumbered by lives previously lived.

His hand remained where it was. Essek had not flinched, had not pulled away, and Caleb felt no need to put any distance between them. It had been a leap in its way. There had been momentary touches before of course, lips to a forehead, heads pressed briefly together, small pieces of something that they had only tentatively begun to build. This touch, lingering as it was, he thought might be the first stone in a foundation.

Rather than squeezing this time, a calloused thumb brushed along the back of a palm.]

You deserve better. You deserve someone who will love you for all that you are, not judge you for what you are not. And you are so many things, Essek.

[And Caleb -- he did not put enough stake in the gods to ask them to help him -- knew so many of those things, fostered those fragile first blossoms of love as they came into flower for each and every one. What a dangerous place to be, a garden growing in a heart that he had long thought was consigned to being no more than a graveyard.]

[ And Essek did not know precisely what he did not deserve because all of his value had been on things that in the long game had never truly mattered to begin with. Value in knowledge, in prestige, in his position and the facade that he carefully cultivated-- for the most part truth except there had always been a part of himself that had longed to be less lonely.

The touch, the finger brush against his palm-- coolness of his palms from the ice magic that flowed through them hit the heat from Caleb's own warmer hands.

And so the touch was comfortable, the warmth a herald to something-- and gardens often times came with the thawing of winter, for that was when the blooms started to grow. It was a thawing and a growing, for each other ]

Have you learned to take your own advice, Caleb Widogast? [ He inclined his head to the side even as he shifted his hand to settle their hands palm to palm with his fingers against a wrist, his other hand reached for his wine glass to pick it up, settling it against his lips ] I have heard stories from Jester about how you do not think you deserve nice things.

IC Inbox - Labyrinthum

: The Undoing of Wizards :

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Sorry Caleb, he wrote a lot

NEVER BE SORRY

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