ausgebrannt | IC Inbox

[ As much as Essek wished that he could profess any sort of surprise of that which Caleb told him, he wasn't. Not the moment that Trent Ikithon was mentioned and he felt that gnawing 'dread' in the pit of his stomach where his.. where Caleb was concerned. And his fingers, instead of drawing away, squeezed tighter as if to press upon the point that this was a safe harbor, that Essek was safe no matter what that meant.

The murder and the subterfuge, the insidious mind tricks, the guilt and the recriminations that Caleb likely put himself through every second of every minute of every hour of the day.

But Essek could spot the difference. He had chosen his hubris whereas Caleb was manipulated-- now this was not a who committed the bigger sin, but Essek could not legitimately see where any of what happened could be laid on Caleb's shoulders. ]

Well, Caleb Widogast [ He spoke that name as a reminder to the other man of who he has become and not who he had been ] I will not be your judge and juror; I can tell you though that you were a young man and there were parts of you that had not developed yet and all I can see is that you were taken advantage of by those in power. You are no longer Bren Ermendrud, you have risen like the Phoenix and I know, as well as the rest of the Nein, that you will never let that happen again and that it will become your life's mission.

[ His voice lowered to a whisper ]

That does not make you a man worth recriminations, it makes you a man worthy of care and consideration.

[Caleb had bared this secret to the Nein, to other friends, others he has cared for, and always he was torn between the fear of how it would change how they looked at him, and the certainty that it would be what he deserved.

And here was Essek, holding to his hand even as the confessions of sins spilled from his lips.

He wanted to argue that he did not deserve the kindness, that he deserved to be turned away and shunned for the wrongs he had done, demand it even. But he was too weak a man to turn it away, wanted too much to be cared for, to be allowed to care in turn.

Those last words spilled the gathering tears from his eyes and he looked up.]

You mean that, don't you? I should argue, but I am not a strong enough man to turn away that kindness. You are important to me, and I do not wish to give that up. Thank you.

[ The Shadowhand came out then, imperious and queen-like. The sort of persona that brooked no arguments, it was easy to hold it like a mantle and also he rather thought that Caleb would respond well to it. ]

You are wrong, a weak man turns away kindness.. and a strong man learns when it is appropriate to accept it for what it is.

[ Caleb Widogast, what a beautiful scarred man. Essek did not have those fears and retributions burned so deeply inside them; they were there but they had not left an imprint. He longed to do so much more, instead he fished out a scented handkerchief and he leaned over to dab at the tops of Caleb's cheeks lightly with something that was remisicent of lavender and snow. ]

We do not have to give each other up, in fact you and the Nein have ensured that you are effectively stuck with me for better and for worse.

[Caleb could feel himself sitting up just a bit straighter at the tone and the change in Essek's bearing, not consciously realizing that he's doing it. It's just a reflexive response.]

That... yes, I suppose you are right at that.

[The touch of the handkerchief was startling, but Caleb only leaned into it. The scent familiar and sweet, and he breathed out a sheepish laugh.]

I am sorry. My emotions seem to have the better of me. But... good. I would very happily be stuck with you. And you are very much stuck with us, ja? There will be no help for it.

You are fine, I am merely fulfilling a need that you clearly have.. [ Until Caleb was back with the rest of the Nein again, and he would no longer be needed, he did not want to think about that ] and that is to assure you that you are worthy and that you still have things to fight for.

[ He settled the handkerchief against the table then, within reaching distance in case Caleb needed it again, and then he picked up his glass of wine to finish it. ] You do not have to apologize for anything Caleb, you really should apologize to yourself for being so unkind.

[ A squeeze of that hand, comforting and cool to counter the warmth of Caleb's own touch ]

If you cannot be kind to yourself, then I will step in and be kind to you, and you will have no choice but to accept it. [ Would Caleb deny Essek? ]

And what need can I fulfil for you in return? You are a dear friend, and if it's in my power, it is yours.

[It was an easy promise to make, given that it was something he very much wanted to do. Essek was important to him, so very important. Things had become complicated between them, but somehow Caleb thought they'd grown closer for it, the understanding of two deeply flawed, lonely men.]

I am... a luckier man than I knew, I think. Thank you.

[He reached for the handkerchief to dab at his cheeks once more, and then kept it held in his fingers.]

[ How to tell Caleb that he did not wish for Caleb to give him anything, that he was not offering Caleb this in exchange for anything. Caleb had every molecule of his care and consideration, he did not need to offer anything up in exchange, except that Essek could orbit around that artificial sun that was Caleb's smile. He glanced off to the side, it was flicker, some unreadable emotion for a moment catching hold like a lightning bug. ]

You have promised that while we are here, we will have each other's backs, that is fine. As well as conversations with you, like this.

[ He liked this, having a drink with the other wizard as if things like this were normal; not having to worry about eyes on them or teasings. Just the luxury of Caleb's company that was offered freely ]

I may have grown up a rich boy from the Dynasty, but moments like these are rare for me and I.. like them.

IC Inbox - Labyrinthum

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